


As Sweet As Cherry Wine

by FairyQueen (etoilecourageuse)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Fear, Shipoween 2019, War, Wartime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 13:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/FairyQueen
Summary: Be a good girl, Cissy. Do not be a burden upon your husband's shoulders. Be a good girl.





	As Sweet As Cherry Wine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shewhoguards](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewhoguards/gifts).

> Dear shewhoguards, Happy Halloween to you! From the first moment on I've been incredibly intrigued, fascinated and beyond in love with your prompt - and I seriously hope that I managed to give you a glimpse of what you intended with it. Thank you so much, I truly hope that you enjoy this!

Sometimes she wondered how much longer he would be able to cope. Whether he was still coping at all. The war had taken its toll on them all, had drained the colour from their faces and the smile from their lips, had put their lives on hold… The world seemed to stand still. 

The fear… The constant fear for her husband, for her son even when they only intended to leave the house for a stroll through Diagon Alley, the fear that would consume her entire body when looking into her sister’s empty eyes… She despised it. Narcissa despised it more than anything else, longed so desperately for peace… But how could she admit it? How could she possibly find the courage to reveal her true emotions, when every word uttered would be used against them? When death was their constant companion, a shadow lurking at every corner, within every false word spoken? 

It would be all right, she told herself, over and over again, closing her eyes to focus on her breathing, to soothe herself, it would be all right… They were fighting for a cause, a good cause, and who was she to speak up against it? They would do the same to her they had done to Andy, to Andromeda, her sister the traitor, who had left them all behind, who had destroyed their family in a way they would never recover from… Even the imagination of it, Narcissa could not bear. The end justified the means, didn’t it? They needed to focus, focus on their purpose, and make sacrifices… Even if it meant to sacrifice their own lives. Their own existences. 

Lucius… Her beloved Lucius… He had always been a fighter, in wars and battles that went far beyond those the Dark Lord had tasked him to, had so often struggled and yet still smiled at her, still kissed her, kissed her with the same intensity… 

She admired him. Narcissa admired her husband beyond words, and yet… Yet, at the same time, she was afraid. Lucius had succumbed to alcohol, and there was nothing, nothing at all she was capable of doing about it… How she loved him… But he was no longer the same. His kisses were treacherous. He was no longer her Lucius, no longer the man she had married… He was a shell. A shell, destroyed by the war just as much as she. 

Never would he allow himself to reject the Dark Lord’s demands, out of pride and fear of the consequence alike, never would he dare to even spend a thought on what tormented her mind particularly in the nights he wasn’t with her. But he drank… He drank to regain his courage, to cope, drank to survive, and drinking made him reckless, loosened his tongue… 

He wouldn’t hurt her, Narcissa knew. She knew that even under the influence of alcohol Lucius would never hurt her, never touch her or even raise his voice against her… She wasn’t afraid of him, no… She was afraid _for_ him. 

But what could she do? What could she possibly do? Pour away his wine and take his only way of coping with the things he saw, experienced, did, from him? Yell at him, scream at him, force him to stop doing what at times seemed to be the one thing to keep him alive? 

Be a good girl, her parents had always told her… Be a good girl, always modest and speak when asked, lower your head to your superiors… Be a good girl, and be a good wife, never utter words of objection, and give your husband what he desires… Be a good girl… 

Had she been a good girl? Had she been a good wife? She did not know. Seemed to know nothing at this point. Only knew how much she loved him, how desperately she needed to help… To save him… But could she? Could she possibly salvage his soul at this point? 

He did not mean to do any harm… Certainly he did not mean to do any harm, he was nothing like Bella, nothing like her sister who, broken by Azkaban, found such enjoyment in terrible things, he did not mean to do any harm…! Her Lucius, her Lucius who was so gentle… Who had once smiled at her with such love within his eyes, who could enfold her into his arms and give her the feeling that the entire world was intact. How long had it been since he had last embraced her? How long had it been since he had last smiled, genuinely smiled? He did not mean to do any harm… Of course he did not… 

Be a good girl, Cissy… Do not be a burden upon your husband’s shoulders… Be a good girl… 

Never had she shed a tear in his presence before, never had she done anything, anything at all to burden him even further… She lived only for him, only for their son… Only to support him… But how? How could she, if she seemed to carry the world upon her shoulders, a world that seemed to crush her with its weight? 

She missed him… Missed him so beyond words… How long had he been gone now? A week, perhaps two? He would send an owl every other day to let her know that he was all right, alive still, merely a few brief lines in order not to attract attention, give away his location… Narcissa had no idea where he was, or when he would return… Whether he would return at all… She was alone. Alone, alone with herself, with her thoughts… Alone with Lucius’ bottles of wine that looked more tempting than ever before. 

Perhaps only a glass… Perhaps… 

No. No, Narcissa would not numb her pain, her worry, her emotions, she would not succumb in the way Lucius had, she could not… It would mean her certain death, and his as well. 

Only in moments like these would she allow herself to cry, to be weak, only for a moment… She did not hear as the door opened, did not hear Lucius silently enter their bedroom… Only saw his reflection in the mirror as he stepped towards her, and for the first time in two weeks truly breathed. 

His kiss was sweet, as sweet as cherry wine, yet bitter at the same time… He had killed again. She could taste it. Feel it. And it terrified her. She dared not ask who it was, perhaps Lucius did not even know… It was inevitable, she told herself. He was a soldier, and this was war. War claimed its victims, on both sides. 

There was no place for fear within her mind… There was no place for questions. 

"Welcome home, my love," she whispered instead, stripping the heavy cloak gingerly from his shoulders. "I’ve missed you…"


End file.
